"I was round at Vikram's place. It was a great party. Loads of people were there. I was just standing around with my buddies and I see this girl. She smiles at me, you know, I talk to my pals but every now and then laugh really loud and look at her again, smiling a lot She kept smiling back, so I moved in. We get talking and everything's going fine. She laughed at my jokes. Next thing I know she's looking at me all soppy and we kiss. Then it all got out of control. She's whispering to me to come upstairs - you know - and I said, 'you go on, I'll come in a minute, I've got to go to the loo first', or something.

Anyway she goes off and one of my friends comes over. He's really excited, going on about 'taking my chances' and "having it off'. I didn't know what to say. I mean I was really excited about the kiss, and he's saying that I must be a real stud to pull a girl like that. It is true, I have had lots of girlfriends but it doesn't mean I'm experienced. I mean, I'm really good at the chatting up and smooth talk but I've never actually done it. Slept with someone. But I couldn't tell him that could I?

Anyway I went upstairs, and found her in the bedroom, with all the lights off on top of a pile of sweaters and shawls. She had taken off half her clothes. I had been intending to say something. All the way upstairs I'd been thinking, 'tell her, tell her you're a virgin.' But how could I? I just knew she thought I wanted to have sex. I was thinking, 'I don't want it like this, what about protection and the rest of that?'

It was awful, looking back, but I did it. I fumbled around and we were hardly talking so eventually, after a bit of wrestling I got it in and it lasted about 10 seconds. I just got dressed and left. I kept thinking, 'well I've done it but what could it have been like if I was really ready and prepared and if I loved her ?'

I was also petrified that I had got some disease from her because I didnt use a condom. I was tense for the whole week and even went and got an HIV test done. I got really lucky. My test was clear. What a foolish way to have done things."